sitting here just thinking of old times,
laughs and smiles back when days were
long & warm and God sho nuff smiled
down on me with His Love. Back when
I usta love and be loved. Back when
love was so plentiful & commonly
present in my vocabulary. Oh how
swell it is to love and be loved.
I had love for everything most
importantly I loved life, especially
my own life. I had numerous friends
which I all loved. I had a boyfriend
which I loved, not the same as I loved
my friends, or family though. I loved
my man with all my strength, all my heart,
with all my mind. I loved him so much it hurt.
Shyt there is no pleasure with out pain,
and the pain from loving this man with all
the energy I could muster was my joy.
I loved so much about him I even loved
his funky breath in the morning!
Now you know that's love!
I loved him everyday,
4 times a day when
the loving was getting
too good to leave alone.
I loved him in the day,
I loved him at night,
in the shower,
on the floor,
in the bathroom
and even the counter top.
Our love was that tight.
I loved him so much I
became blinded by the love I gave.
Showering him with so much love,
I drowned him and he faded away
with every single drop of love I had to give.
Now comes the unpleasant pain of love.
The pain that cuts like a knife.
As I bathe in the blood of pain,
the pain of a love I once loved and lost.
I love the pain that greets me everyday.
I love not to love another.
I love the memories of once
being loved while loving another.
Then I remember the pain of love,
how unforgettable the pain
I've grown to love,
how common this pain,
for I don't feel the hurt of it anymore.
I live in the pain,
I revisit the pain,
I swim in the pain,
to be reborn in the pain,
because to love like that again
would be inviting more pain
to be added on to the pain
I already have,
the pain I've grown to love
is my shelter,
Filled with a familar pain
brings me comfort from
being bombarded with new pain
looking for a loving heart to tear apart.
I hurt no more from the
pain of love because
I have disconnected myself from love.
My only love are the dark clouds of pain,
where I am safe from a new pain of love.
So I hold onto the old times of love
never to forget the pain of love,
I am safe from a new pain because
I'm not love,
which is my only true love nowadays