Prelude of My Life

by Tony P.


For as long as I can remember Iíve always had the philosophy that into each life some rain falls and then comes the snow but after it all the flowers will grow. Rain or snow there is no difference the pain still hurts. Pain when you feel it through an emotional state is very difficult for most people to deal with. We set up defense mechanism to slow, ease or hide the pain. Neither of these defense mechanism work. They only hide or suppress the pain. We all know that when a wounded animal is cornered they will lash out and attack anything perceived as a foe. The same theory or rule applies to a human when they are in a stressful situation.

Usually the greatest pain one feels is betrayal. Once a person feels betrayed, it is almost impossible for this person to trust again. To suppress or hide the pain they have inside they will act totally different from their true nature or they simply accept the fact that no one can be trusted. It is strange how a person can judge an entire gender or race of people because a few individuals let them down. There are so many people who are vastly different but because of a few they are all judged because of the actions of the few. Take a moment and think about the things you may have heard or said about another gender. Take for example the statements all men are dogs or all the good women are already married. Was the statement based on fact, assumption, or the experience of the speaker?

Most of our answers are based on our experiences, whether they are good or bad. Based on assumptions that we start to assume as fact. For example, a friend asks for advice concerning problems that they are having with their car. If you are not a mechanic, we will refer them to a mechanic or someone who will help them. However, when it comes to interpersonal relationships, we will give them our solution based on a similar experience that occurred in our lives. Why is it that we do not refer our friends to a professional in this instance? Normally a friend due to shame or guilt will only tell you part of the situation when it comes to an interpersonal situation.

No one can truly know what you are feeling. Family members and friends can only guess but even they cannot help or ease your pain. They will share with you their experiences although the two situations are similar the parties concerned are totally different. Therefore, there are several different possibilities to your problem. You will watch a movie or read a book and say that is exactly how I feel but they usually have a happy conclusion. We know that life is not like that, for no matter how hard you try sometimes the bumps in life can wear a person down. We pray, hope, and dream that everything will turn out ok but the truth of the matter is, nothing is guaranteed. However, there will come a time when the mind, body, and soul will say enough is enough.

Just like the antibodies in your blood will seek to destroy a germ or foreign substance in the body. So works the mind and soul to purge itself of emotional pain. You may have it buried so deep within your body that you have forgotten it or just become numb over the years. This is normally the time in your life when you reflect back to what was and what is. The line between the two becomes so blurred and intertwined that one has no idea where reality begins and fantasies ends. This is the time when we are at our most heighten emotional state. Out of chaos comes order or vice versa. This is the time of our soul searching where we decide our present and future course of life. This is the imaginary fork in the road of life. Some have given it a name such as midlife crises or your awakening period.

Being a man about the world, I thought I was untouchable. I had seen and experienced so much in this lifetime I thought I was immune to my present condition. I thought I was so strong that no one could betray me or cause me to doubt me. It was all so simple to me if you did something to hurt me then it was adios for you. However, alas I found out the hard way that I am just a man. A man who still has hopes and dreams but more especially I have faults and flaws. I have finally realized that I am still growing and that I have a lot to learn. I learned that the feeling of being betrayed could happen even to me.

All my life since high school, people have sought me out for advice. They would seek advice concerning life, love, finances, or whatever. They assumed that I was a brother who had it all together. In addition, I guess you can say at those particular times I did. I could see others situations so clear and I could steer them to come to their own conclusion. I was always saying be true to your self and it will work out. Nevertheless, you can never truly put yourself in another personís shoes. Try as we might it is something that we cannot do. A person will only tell you as much as they want you to know.

I often wonder now just because things worked out that maybe I gave those individuals bad advice. That is one of the funny things about being down you feel a sense of doubt. Moreover, doubting you is one of the most dangerous obstacles to being happy. No one can see doubt until it is too late. One day your confidence level is at an all time high. Then the next day you are so unsure and unless you raise your head, you will sink lower and lower. It seems as though there are dark clouds surrounding you. We all take happiness for granted until we are sad or feel alone.

People believe that things happen for a reason, season, or lifetime but I feel that this is true. I say true but with this stipulation. A reason can be bad or good. A season can be plentiful or disastrous. A lifetime can be wonderful or terrible. The experience that you gain from a relationship can be necessary or unnecessary. Everyone likes to add that you can find positiveness in anything but I truly beg to differ on that point. A bad apple may replenish the earth or feed some microscopic life form but it is still a bad apple. Let someone else deal with the things that have brought pain, hurt and disappointment into your life. I am speaking in terms of a romantic or friendship relationship only. I am starting to ramble so let me tell you my story.


Prelude of My Life by Tony P.

© Copyright 2001. All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be duplicated or copied without the expressed written consent of the author.



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