I never left you.
Only went away for a while.
So that - untainted by my will
I could be certain
That you were moved by your own desires.
When you could no longer ignore
Your heart's overwhelming
of your conscious.
With expression of what I could tell you
But only you could know.
I went away to ensure my silence
Battle my weakness
Conquer my love.
It is too soon for my nakedness –
distance allows me to clothe my desire.
I saw your turmoil mounted on every side
Descending from the skies.
I bowed in prayer for you
But vowed I would not
Run to you
Until you knew,
what I could tell you
But only the affirmation of your lips could bless.
I made myself exist away from you
Chained my will to the walls of my loneliness
Cold, rusty, jagged links – that would cut me
every time I stretched to touch you
Which was everytime my strength failed,
With thoughts of what if
...you never discovered my knowledge.
I could not damn my love in your presence
And the war between love and restraint wounded me too often
Even when I slept in the guest room,
and both sides seemed satisfied with the compromise.
My love won any battle fought in the presence
of your stirring emotions – unfair tactics:
While I slept, it sneaked out and held you close
Your unconscious smiled then,
in a way that rocked my reserve.
But it is not my place to love you –
and I cannot say until you know.
My spirit grows inside you where we first touched.
It watches for me,
For the day my name falls from your lips.
For the time you whisper … I know.
I haven't left you
Even now I churn in your energy
For my release.