Announcer: "She's in her little bubble, she thinks she's safe.
Let's call the phone inside her sound-proof booth,
see if she picks up."
Miss X: "Hello?"
Announcer: "Congratulations! You've just been PLAYED!"
Miss X: "What?"
Announcer: "I'm calling on behalf of 'Yo Man'. Congratulations! We have
a marvelous grand prize to offer you, and many other
complementary gifts. I know you must be ecstatic but try to
listen carefully to hear about your prizes."
Miss X: "What is this about? I wasn't played, he wasn't 'scheming on
this ass'. Nigga, what?"
Announcer: "Maam, our studio audience has been observing everything while
you were behind the (emotional) screen. We can assure you that_
You have been_"
Audience: "PLAYED!!" (uproar, clapping)
Announcer: "And you thought you weren't lovable, you thought nobody wanted you.
Ye-es maam, we heard those thoughts late at night, didn't we audience?"
Audience: (excited, anticipating) "YES"
Miss X: "I-I_"
Announcer: "We can't tell you if you're lovable, we answered that one while you
were still behind the screen. Sorry to say, you stayed in 'Yo World' a
l..i..t..t..l..e too long."
Announcer: "Bu-ut. We are happy to upgrade your status from 'Worthless', to_"
Announcer: "'Fuckable!' Yes, you are Fuckable! Even the finest of playas are willing
to Fuck you!' It was a tough decision, but 'Yo Man' voted for your upgrade.
And now ladies and gentlemen_ the prizes."
Miss X: (confused, gasps_)
Announcer: "Why so shocked? We won't tell 'Yo mama' (laughs)."
Announcer: "Congratulations Miss X, You've won:"
Announcer: "A life time's supply of Ben & Jerry's and Hershey's Chocolate delivered
to your door. You don't even have to get up to gorge your troubles away.
And that's not all_"
Audience: (hushed tension)
Announcer: "Free Kleenex so you don't cry all over your ice-cream like you've been
doing for the last few days - While still telling yourself you weren't
played! Ha! Can you believe that audience? So modest, this one!"
Announcer: "And, the Grand Prize:"
Announcer: "Free long distance minutes - FOREVER!
for all those 'men ain't no damn good' talks with 'Yo sistas'
and all those 'I told you so. _ It will be alright baby' talks
with 'Yo mama'"
Announcer: "Tell the audience how you feel. I know you're still shocked,
all these new and wonderful gifts, not to mention being 'Played'
and 'Fuckable'! You must be over overjoyed."
Miss X: (Sniffling)
Announcer: "Tears of joy audience!"
Announcer: "Unfortunately, these prizes will not be presented by 'Yo Man.'
He had other bitches _ ummm 'candidates' to attend to - the show
must go on. But 'Yo sistas' and 'Yo mama' have been watching the
whole time and will be happy to present you with these gifts."
Announcer: Above all! This is not a one-time game.
You can be played any time, as many times as you wish.
In fact, you're about to meet 'Yo Next Man' right now_
Hello? He -eh llo? That's how the story ends ladies and gentlemen.
There she goes behind the screen. Is she giving up, going home?
Or is she fucking 'Yo Next Man' right now?
Audience: (giggling, clapping).
Announcer: "Will she be 'Played'? Will she find out if she's lovable? Will she
drop again to 'Worthless' or can she hold on to 'Fuckable'? Tune in
next time folks!"
Audience: (clapping and cheering).