Break Up.

by Soyini Denise Liburd



My life is over - again.
The love of my life doesn't love me anymore.
My tears are pouring again.
I thought this time our love was sure.
My heart is aching - again.
That familiar physical agony that tears at me...unrelentingly
I cry.  Why?
Why do I let myself love?
Only to be hurt when my other gets bored.

It's happened again,
Just when I was sure
That this time would be different
That 'forever' was in store.
Rude shock - I'm alone again.
Again.

Is it foolish to dream of love?
Is it dumb to think that it could ever be mine?
I'm a na´ve, romantic dreamer -
And that's why my life is over.
Next time I will guard my heart.
Next time I won't let myself fall in love.
I've said that before - too many times.
Those promises sound hollow now.
Even I don't believe them.
Not any more.

Am I then doomed to always suffer this way?
Will love ever come - to me - to stay?
You said you loved me - you lied.
I cried.  Why?
Why do I let myself go through this?
Over and over again.
Again.

It might be hollow but it's my only comfort now
Never again will I let myself love.
I will guard my heart and abandon the heights of emotion
That comes so naturally to me
I will live like those who don't care about anything
Those lucky folks who are immune to pain and love.
...Now one in the same - love means pain.

I soared on Love's wings.
Now I drown in My tears.
I wish I didn't believe you when you said that you loved me.
I wish I had listened to those nagging fears - the ones I made go away...
I wanted so much for someone to care - that I took you into my heart.
Now look what you did, desecrated the heart I let you live in.

I wish I didn't present to you; my heart, body and soul - like lambs to
the slaughter...
I can't look at my body - you touched it.
It bears your mark - your scent.
Forgive me body - I sacrificed you to satisfy a craving for love that
will never be satisfied.
I know it now.
I can't feel my heart - you froze it.
It bears love for you - it's been wounded.
Forgive me heart - I knew your innocence yet failed to stop you from
falling.
I was a careless guardian.
I know it now.
I can't know my soul - you stole it.
It bears your stamp - your name.
Forgive me soul.
I caused you to bond with a virus - a disease that now eats at you.  To
remove it I must wound you too - yet another scar.
I was a fool.
I know it now.

I'm allowed to feel your pain but I am not the victim because I should
have known that no one out there would love me.
They only pretend - then
The mirage fades away - when
When they get bored.
My Love lingers on to taunt me
I deserve it because I should have known
Should have learned.
From all the times before.

I am alone again.
Again.

_______________________S-D-A-L_____________________


Break Up. by Soyini Denise Liburd

© Copyright 1999. All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be duplicated or copied without the expressed written consent of the author.


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