Help Watch

by Shamele Jenkins

Iíve come to realize that Iím a big procrastinator - a b.s.íer 
You could even say Iím a whore - as deep as the grand canyon 
and as wide as from sea to shining sea from the Atlantic to the Pacific
Iíve heard some call me a shameless parasite 
I personally think Iím more a leech
While others simply ignore choose to ignore my behavior - 
my mood swings, my anxiety attacks, my niceties
Hell - all of that - they just fade me out
But hey - Iím only human and being human has its frailties 
and life has its ups and downs and its big body jabs and body slams
And whether you know it or not - whether you like it or not
Youíre running in the rat race of life
Seems Iíve got this line - this fateful line chasing my behind
And its got digits and numbers running in front of it and behind it
The beat goes on and the clock keeps kicking 
and I realize WE are all in this rat race of life together
And those digits represent our alpha and omega 
and that line represents who and what we are all about as it rests on our tombstone
Itís not the line that frightens me. Itís the way Iím doing my thing
Itís in my moves and grooves my highs and my lies
for I seldom knew the truth
Sure I was borne to die but no one ever told me about that damn line
That line signifies all that I am
Itís my accomplishments and my failures
Itís the quality of my life and how it has effected others
and Iím ashamed to stay that my line is raggedy and chasing me looking like a lightening bolt
I never cared about anyone but me
And after all that game playing I ainít got nothing Iíve been saving so I canít holla 
I want to take anything with me 
The time is upon me 
Itís time to give reason to my season before that dash catches my behind
So Iím changing my heart and the beats that I walk
Iím gonna continue to be that whore in life but Iíll be deep enough to listen 
to what someone has to say without interruption and deep enough to listen 
and pay attention and answer only when I should
Iíll do what I can and not open my gap talking crap trying to impress the masses 
Iíll speak only things that I can cash and you can bank on 
And I plan on sucking a person dry of everything they wish to give me 
and Iíll return it with a love so strong that they might suffocate 
from all the affection that I have to give because Iíve hidden it for so very long inside me
When someone cries I wish to wipe their eyes and share theyíre cares 
and help with solutions rather than give them conflict without resolution
I can help the poor in my own neighborhood before I give abroad
Help a child read, help an elder feed, help a neighbor plant a new seed 
while I carve out my piece to share from the thanksgiving table of life
I can do the food line, help take a bite out of crime even if I only call it in
And I can definitely do the suicide line 
because I once was too close for comfort Ė just one step awayÖ
Iím scared - I donít want to keep failing 
I REALLY want that dash thatís chasing my behind to equate into words of 
She cared
She shares
She loved
She listened
She tried
She strives
She helped
I want my tombstone to be too full to be complete
I want to be on the mountain top knowing that I climbed it 
rather than being flown on to the top by airplane
I want to stop the skimping and Knifing and joking and jiving
Cause too many people around me are dying
From drugs, and aids, and marital blisslessness and children are starving 
and animals are being mistreated and even though Iím doing no better than you 
I want people to know that I do care and want to be a helper
Life is too short and so bitter sweet
And Iíve got this line this fateful line chasing my behind with digits
Trying to define my death before Iíve truly lived
And Iím not ready
Iíve not atoned
Iím not ready 
Iím not ready
Please -
Can I help you
Can I make you love me
Can I help you
Can I 

Help Watch by Shamele Jenkins

© Copyright 2004. All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be duplicated or copied without the expressed written consent of the author.

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