Obituary of the Last Black Revolutionary

by Rodney Russ


The Last Black Revolutionary has been put to rest.
Chopin’s funeral march plays in the background.
He came here nearly five hundred years ago
on the back of a castrated donkey.
He rebelled against, generational divide,
welfare reform, institutional racism
and Brown VS Board of Education.
His death was brought on by an assault on the black poor
through pathology, negro middle class elitism, and unemployment .
He is survived by his single mother,
his dead beat father,
his basketball heroes,
the political prisoners of the mind
and his many illegitimate sons
who didn’t make it to the NBA.
He was a member of the working poor
he was known
for creating black English
also known as Ebonics.
He was educated at Howard University
for one semester
before dropping out to concentrate on feeding his family.
As a youth he failed to benefit
from Hooked on Phonics
which he taped over with music videos from BET.


The NAACP was not his friend
because he was not well to do.
His philanthropy
was doing low skilled menial jobs.
As a result of his many years
of unproductive service,
The Last Black Revolutionary was given
an honorary gentries plaque
by the Jack and Jill foundation
for years of support to their case
of appearing to be acceptable for whites.
His criminal behavior
supported the high skill economy.
He was a physician with no hands,
two bit criminal gangly employed.
He smoked crack, weed and never used condoms.


The Last Black Revolutionary
knew not of Marcus Garvey, MLK, or Dubois
whom he assumed was of French ancestry.
He had a fifty percent drop out rate in High School,
his home was located underwater
below the poverty line
in a tower of economic spectacle.
He wasn’t a member of the hop generation
which sucked the X from Malcolm’s name
with a political vacuum.
The London times reported
that he was responsible for the London bridge falling down
and the outbreak of the plague.
He was suspected of being Jack the Ripper
though this is simply a rumor.


The Last Black Revolutionary named is children
Institutional racism, Poitier, Nat Turner, and Lincoln Theodore Perry.
He wasn’t much of a brawler
but he did fight a white dwarf
who insulted Jackie Robinson in the USA today.
The fight ended in a draw
but the judges disqualified The Last Black Revolutionary
for blaming whites for all black problems.
He detested The Birth of A Nation
so all the networks agreed to play it around the clock
on his birthday.
He dreamed of self reliance and self help
but the Black Congressional Caucus
said it was a monolithic concept
and that blame white people
would get his children into Harvard faster,
pending they passed the paper bag test.


The Last Black Revolutionary
found a way to supplement the black economy
by proposing that the rats in each ghetto
home pay property taxes and back rent.
The congressional black caucus called it ingenious
and named him philanthropist of the year.
But the liberal black fence sitters wanted
their peace of the action
so they plotted with the rats
to take his black ass out
and close all ghettos taking the people off to concentration camps.


The Last Black Revolutionary
made a deal with King Lear
to resurrect Nat Turner from the dead
to create inner city social programs for the needy.
He also recreated the UNIA led by the ghost of Marcus Garvey.
The revolution to quote Gill Scott Heron
would not be televised
because Ray Charles
cut the umbilical power chord
blacking out all the black community.


The Brothers grim
reported to the scene with armed AK-47’s
killing Nat Turner and John Brown.
They received a tip from Dr. Frankenstein
and Sammy Davis who it turns out was not a Tom at all.
To escape its creditors the USA today
changed its name to the USA of yesterday


The Last Black Revolutionary had been close to Harriet Beecher Stowe
who wanted to mold her iconic Uncle Tom
into the likeness of The Last Black Revolutionary.
But the Last Black Revolutionary
objected to the characters promiscuity
and Stowe’s insistence that
Charlton Heston play the part in black face on Broadway.


The Last Black Revolutionary was called anti-intellectual
by the New York Times
who received a tip from Jim Crow
that inner city youth
could transform into werewolves each full moon
at the request of the Last Black Revolutionary.


The Last Black Revolutionary was never accused of acting white.
He spoke a vernacular of a proud field darkie,
though he considered Colin Powell
a misunderstood soul brother number one
who suffered from a rare case of accidental blackness
and I gots to do what white folks tell me syndrome.
The Last Black Revolutionary did not respect Jesse Jackson.
He was quoted in the New Yorker
as saying that Jackson’s headstone would read,”
We shall not overcome without the white mans help.”
Jesse Jackson responded by calling The Last Black Revolutionary
a brute field nigger and youth of America
should become preachers, teachers, money lenders
and social workers instead of revolutionaries.
To quote Jackson, “Become a well to do nigger. Not a well to sue.”
Jackson also threatened to castrate The Last Black Revolutionary
With a wooden spoon


The Last Black Revolutionary discovered
that the American dream for most black folks
was simply a wet dream created by slave catchers
who needed an alternative for over crowded prisons.
Each full moon The Last Black Revolutionary
called for the execution of all Toms.


The Last Black Revolutionary wrote one novel entitled;
“What if Michael Jordan couldn’t dunk.”
In such a book
he talked about forgotten blackness
and the white fixation on black bodies.
The book was praised by the liberal left media
for its recipes on chitterling, crab fingers,
and collard green smothered in raccoon meat.
It was shunned for its message of black empowerment
and self reliance.
It was the most requested book by the Department of Corrections
that and Chuck Palahniuk’s Fight Club.


The Last Black Revolutionary stressed higher education
and championed healthcare reform for all African Americans
who could not afford it.
He spoke out against misogynistic lyrics in rap music.
He then proposed we go back in time and repel
the nineteen sixty five Voting Rights Acts
as well as the civil rights act of sixty four.
He then traveled back in time
and changed the name of the popular rap group
Nigga’s With Attitude
to Knowledge Wisdom and Ambition.
He met 2pac on the way showed him
the downloaded a pod cast
of him getting shot in Las Vegas.
He warned 2Pac about the dangers he faced,
as a result 2pac became a bootstrap republican,
a young revolutionary who stressed collective thinking
, self reliance, thrift, money for education
and spoke of a race less society


2Pac gave lectures on black pride
and championed the fight to rid the world of black inferiority.
He no longer wore clothes
only a body painting of the American flag
with a four leaf clover over his genitals.
2Pac demanded that black men pull up their baggy pants,
raise their children, and give back all welfare checks.
As a result he received death threats.
Under 2Pac’s leadership
the underground economy in the black community
ended and white folks began to complain that their kids
were acting like niggers by wearing saggy pants
and having children out of wedlock.
Also too many drugs and hair weaves were being sold in the suburbs.
The Last black revolutionary became 2Pac’s running mate
in a bid for the two thousand republican seat.
But on the night of the Republican National Convention
a man hiding in an elephant costume
unloaded on Mr. 2Pac
during his acceptance speech for the nomination.
The Last Black Revolutionary was forced to flee
back to the future
and George W. Bush went on to become
President of the United States as before
receiving ninety nine percent of the black vote.


Bush vowed to
follow 2Pac’s vision of America,
and bring his killer to justice.
He achieved both aims and was given the right
to use the N-word pass by the UN,
an honor never bestowed upon a
European American since Christopher Columbus.


The Last Black Revolutionary
returned to the future to witness
the beheading on Osama Bin Laden
who had orchestrated the killing
of Senator 2Pac.
By this time Bush had replaced the Statue of Liberty
with one of 2Pac to ensure his re-election in 2004.

While back in the future,
The Last Black Revolutionary
put a halt to cellblocks in the classroom,
negro improvement programs
orchestrated by scared straight
which had grown into a multi-billion dollar corporation
making their bones teaching urban black youth
sexual mores and temperance from alcohol and marijuana.
But the black leadership
who wanted no more black revolutionaries
declared that The Last Black Revolutionary
would be censored for his rebellion against their monolithic
concept of avant-garde keeping beggars
from tourist assimilationist keeping ignorant niggers
from eating up their piece of the American pie
monkey frozen in space, ultimate assimilation,
gate keeping shiftless, foot dragging arthritis free speech advocacy.


The Last Black Revolutionary
fought back and declared that all black leaders
are schizoid nigger baters who would do nothing
but continue to be reactionary house niggers
from a tired old blue vein society,
Jack and Jill went up the hill Niagara Movement,
who knew nothing of black pride
and didn’t learn anything from the black power movement.
They were blinded by their mediocre middle class success
and forgot that they’re still two paychecks from the street
and one generation out of the projects they own damn self.
In conclusion, The Last Black Revolutionary declared
that there would never be another true black leader
and his attempts of time travel to ensure a revolutionary
to take his place proved as fruitless as
Moses hope of seeing the promise land in his lifetime.


The Last Black Revolutionary died of natural causes
on Christmas day two thousand ten.
Over a million clones, people, spirits and replicants
showed up to show their respects.
Leaders from the past and present all gathered for a send off quite
like no other.
The Last Black revolutionary’s headstone read;
Single Mothers
Brown VS Board of Education
Welfare reform
Working poor
Black English
Ultimate Assimilation and Perseverance
You had our back
The Last Black Revolutionary

Obituary of the Last Black Revolutionary by Rodney Russ

© Copyright 2007. All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be duplicated or copied without the expressed written consent of the author.

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