Doll Face

by Niki Bell de Castanon

I saw a portrait today,
It read,
A woman stood over the bathroom sink,
Washing, scrubbing ten pairs of underwear’s,
Stains stood out the color of brown,
Trying to scrub out the stains,
Always washing, scrubbing,
A pinch of dish soap, bar soap, anything to get the stains,
Or he’ll say “get them stains out or else”,
“Come on doll face wash ‘em good”,
Doing the same thing at age 4, 5, 6, 7,
Age 8, 9, 10, even 11,
Met him and it happened,
All over again,
At age 19, 20, 21, 22,
Age 23, 24, and now 25,
Panties dripping with brown stains,
Not of our doing,
Their semen left inside,
Dripping to life,
Onto our underwear,
Their semen dried up, tearing us up inside, rotting our souls,
Dripping stains on our hearts that won’t ever come out,
No matter how much we scrub,
Make sure they’re clean,
Or I’ll come back for you,
Come on Doll Face,
It’s not so bad,
Drops of blood aligned right on the seem of ... See Men,
For what they really are,
And the doctor at age 11 ask,
“Ma’am your daughter,
Has wounds not externally on her vagina 
as seen with most girls 
with a year long undiagnosed chronic illness,
But, her wounds are internally,
How do we explain that”,
Some made up story is told,
Antibiotics given for a very sick little girl,
Lying on her death bed,
Surrounded by dead souls,
Of the underworld,
Promises of ... “When I grow up!”
And now a woman,
Stands over her sink,
Washing, scrubbing,
Hoping the babies won’t wake,
The screaming, yelling,
Just another shattered image of a portrait I saw today,
With a woman and her baby dolls all cuddled together nice and snug,
A globalization of... SECRETS,
Everyday life,
Dreaming seems of...
Enscribed in the portrait are these thoughts,
This is only the beginning of our own validation, 
reflection, shame, guilt, giving us some kind of justification 
by vocal expression, images, and written word,
As he whispers tucking them in cozy 
into their beds with touching hands,
“I love you Baby Doll,
And I’ll be waiting,
It’s not so bad,
We got each other,
It’s not so bad,
Doll Face.
Come on let’s play.”

Doll Face by Niki Bell de Castanon

© Copyright 2004. All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be duplicated or copied without the expressed written consent of the author.

TimBookTu Logo

Return to the Table of Contents | Return to Main Page