Conflicted Emotions

by Ms. Smooth

Seclusion, isolation, confusion, pain
Determined to turn your heart into stone, 
but when it doesn't happen, 
you're left empty, weak, and vulnerable
Your mortal being is left cold and your spirit gets weary
Your heart beats, but you can't feel it
So, how do you know if you're alive?
Breaths of cold air pollute your space displaying your physical eminence
Life seems so lifeless and the only thing keeping you alive is pain
Pain that tears couldn't even express
You realize that this is your reality and this pain is permanent
It hurts until your body shakes and your breaths get shallow
You sit alone with your eyes glazed over as memories are mentally set on repeat
They play in your mental movie; word after word, scene after scene
Your movie never ends, but your characters never survive
Wishing you can rewind your life to the part where everything went wrong
To that exact moment where your smile faded 
so that you can press delete and rewrite the next scene
It would be so simple, but nothing in life ever is
This must be a test
Why is it that in life, you always get the test before the lesson?
You get tested then taught
My life's test taught me about pain
What it is and where it comes from
But, I'm still learning how to deal with it
My pain comes from loss
To let go and to just walk away
How am I supposed to let go when I still want to hold on?
When my heart speaks love, but my actions speak hate
To go back and explain myself when my grip won't loosen
To contradict myself by saying I don't when I do
Then, pretend I'm not hurt when I want to cry
No one understands how I feel, but gives me advice on what to feel
I'm going through an emotional battle that I just can't seem to win
So, I sit here in sad silence while my mental movies are playing in alliance

Conflicted Emotions by Ms. Smooth

© Copyright 2005. All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be duplicated or copied without the expressed written consent of the author.

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