Her Knight In Shining Armor
by Lawrence Christopher
Being old school and traditional, I believe that a man’s role in marriage and in the home is to provide for and to protect his family. As a provider, I feel that I do pretty well. We have a roof over our heads and plenty of food on our pantry shelves. Our needs are being met and occasionally, when the spirit moves me I treat us to an occasional surprise want.
As a protector, I felt that I could handle or at least I was prepared to step to anything or anyone who would threaten the safety and welfare of my family. If there would come that call in the night when Sadie would have a bad dream, I would rush to her side and assure her that everything would be alright. When Mina would need me to dispatch with a hairy spider or its bug relative, I would be there with broom and shoe in hand at the ready. So I thought I was prepared for anything . . .
“MATTHEW! MATTHEW,” Mina’s cries came from our bedroom.
As I raced to the room, I saw Sadie dart in ahead of me. When I entered, I found Sadie standing outside our bathroom door jumping around mimicking Mina who was in the bathroom naked from the waist down. The bizarre scene struck me as comical at first, and then I noted the look of panic on Mina’s face and in her voice.
“GO TO YOUR ROOM SADIE,” she instructed.
“Why? I wanna play.”
“I said go to YOUR ROOM.”
The little girl reluctantly does as she was told. I’m looking around the bathroom in search of the eight-legged invader of our home. But I’m unable to follow Mina’s line of sight to guide me.
“GET IT OUT. Get IT out.” Mina commands.
“Where is it Mina?”
“In THERE.” She points between her bare legs.
Then I feel a sense of panic, “What!?”
“Matthew, get it out. I can’t reach it.”
“GET . . . reach . . . what?”
Mina’s jumping settled to an antsy two-step; though her hands continued to wildly shake about. “The damn tampon, get it out.”
“WHOA. Hold up. Uh . . . a tampon?”
“YES, it’s up in me and I can’t get it out.”
“How did that happen?”
“How do you think? I need for you to get it out.”
“Wait; maybe I should get Sadie back in here.”
“NO. Don’t chu call that girl. That’s why I called you.”
“You aren’t serious?”
“The hell I ain’t. Matthew, I need for you to get it out.” She said quite seriously. “You don’t have a problem putting your hands down there any other time.”
“Yeah, but . . .”
After the emergency extraction, I was sent on my first errand to purchase some Always™ feminine pads. “Be sure to get the ones with the hand wipes,” Mina reminded as I headed out the door.
As it turned out, this was Mina’s first encounter with using tampons. They were suggested to her by a girlfriend, in place of her usual pads or napkins. For the rest of that day, I showed how brave I really was by giving her a teasing grin whenever our eyes met; which was often followed by something being thrown at my head.
Needless to say on that occasion; I became more intimate with Mina than I ever would have thought imaginable.