Why Did I Get Married

by Nicole Smith-Kirnon

I thought long and hard about my decision. Some would say it all happened so fast. 
I wanted to be in a place where I had become mentally satisfied, emotionally prepared and financially stable. 

I had been in a place where I was overall - completed and not complimented. 
However - wanted to be completely over the BS of life.

Well it happened. I was married. Beginnings are always the best. The conversations are always the longest.
Laughter is always the strongest and the company is always appreciated.. 

Most of the days were spent with one another. Sadly, our nights were apart. 
Didn't realize how lonely nights could be. 

As the sun came up so did issues. So did situations and so did truths. 
We all have truths we are not willing to face. Hoping things will work themselves out. 

Possibilities are endless and time stands still for no one and truth is fact; faced or not.

There is so much that an unspoken word can say and the action of a person can be heard in volumes. 
My husband and I are connected souls, individuals seeking a common ground. 

I would later see our differences revealed and our similarities suppressed. 
I wanted to climb the ladder of success and he wanted to sit on the first rung and see what developed.

I believe a marriage is a business and he felt strategy does not exists in relationships. 
There is a game plan. That's the ultimate outcome for everyone involved. 
Two families have come together with two sets of morals and values.

Somewhere we both missed the fine print. Yet and still we continued. I wanted out he held on. 
I wanted it all to be over and he held on tighter. I am a woman of substance. I know this. 
I have suppressed anger, something surfaced. I enjoy challenges, my marriage became one.

Why did I get married?
I was married for all of the right reasons. I loved him then and I love him even more now. 
I was given the gift of laughter, a forgotten memory.

I married to give myself entirely to one man. I married to remove the illusion of complete happiness 
and accepted the fact that independence can not be taken it's given.

I took a lot from my husband emotionally and in the process I took something from him without realizing...
the core of a being. 
The layers only words can destroy and broke them down until backwards looked forward and forward became a guessing game. 

We can compare hurts and see who come out on top. We both loss. 
Marriage is not a game but to this there are rules.

Why did I get married?
I got married to finally stop running. To establish a foundation and to be finally able to say I can.....
My husband and I are non-conventional and that's what has bought us closer. 
I lost someone I truly loved once and would not make the same mistake twice. 
I am righting my wrongs and not enabling maybes.

Why did I get married?
Because I needed someone to show me what I lacked when I felt I was the closet thing to perfection. 
I needed someone to hold me when my anger rose. 
I got married because when I look around and see that my boys have grown to men. 

I can look to my right and know the man I lie next to every night loved me through the struggle. 
Fought with me to the end and when the sun finally sets on us both 
I know the man I spent my years with was a man I chose to accept flaws and all. 

Why Did I Get Married by Nicole Smith-Kirnon

© Copyright 2009. All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be duplicated or copied without the expressed written consent of the author.

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