A half smile across my lips as I shake my head in disbelief.
You seem to have the misconception my friend
that your relationship with a black man is causing me some grief.
Perhaps you've had run-ins with some and received icy stares.
But I am not the insecure sista that feels
the need to waste my energy on such trivial cares.
You see, if you have him then that simply means
he was not meant for me.
Love is love and if you satisfy him
then I see no reason not to let it be.
Some of my sistas I admit have cut their eyes so hard
that there may be daggers in your back.
But still your perception is misguided
and I would like to help get you on the right track.
First I must start with a short history lesson.
This one you did not receive in school
because the importance of understanding our cultural essence
is something that public schools always try to lessen.
It's not something you can learn in a month
that has fewer days than any other.
It has far more to do with humanity than it ever did with color.
“Oh no,” I'm reading your mind as you inwardly sigh;
You are thinking this is going to be another recounting of slavery
and wrongdoing, another sympathy cry.
But before you line up your defense
understand that I'm not about to go that path.
I will simply lay the facts out as they are
and it will be up to you to do the math.
For as much as we have been despised
and ridiculed through time and space,
our men and women have been the sexual fantasy of many;
the coveted bedroom race.
Your men came to us at night, an unwelcome intrusion on our flesh.
While in your parlor rooms the image of a chocolate body created a
smoldering heat within your breast.
A forbidden fruit that somehow could not be resisted,
while there was no alternative for us, the option to say no never
Now flash forward in time when so called freedom was obtained.
We could live on our own and work for ourselves yet mental bondage
Still considered lower than animals an image we could not shake.
Our black men struggled hard in this land
for his family a place to make.
And we the mothers of the earth stood solidly by his side.
Feeding his body, loving him down and mending his shattered pride.
Somewhere in the midst of things it seems that he gave up the fight
And in the middle of many nights our husbands left in flight.
Leaving us with small ones to whose big
and wondering eyes which we had to explain;
That daddy really loves us though he left us alone to maintain.
Off he went to find himself and make his fortune
while we kept it all together.
With ends not meeting and our bodies dog tired,
alone the storms we were forced to weather.
Still with open arms we welcomed them back
when the world had dealt them a hard blow.
Yet we were a different woman from when he left,
the return to complete submission was a place that we could not go.
Still respectful and supportive but in a different sort of way.
With guarded hearts we love them because we know they may not stay.
While we still don’t mind being down for the struggle
there are certain things from him we expect.
Our new persona is too bold and some cannot and will not accept.
Suddenly we are too demanding. We’re lazy and we’re fat.
We’re gold diggers, sluts and bitches.
There is certainly something wrong with that.
To what do we owe abuse from those
who should be the lovers of our soul?
Now our hair is too nappy, our tongue to witty
and our features not pleasing to hold.
Once upon a time we were good enough to lay down with,
I suppose when we were the only ones.
But remember that we are still the ones
that have been raising their daughters and sons.
It is our fire, wit and by any means necessary attitude
that keep us surviving.
Those same qualities that they fault us for,
calling us sneaky and conniving.
Our pain comes not from the fact that they run to you,
For we know that there is no one who can love
or understand him better than we do.
We know where he’s been and the struggle that plagues
the corners of his mind.
We feel the anger that sometimes simmers beneath the surface
though he tries desperately to leave it behind.
What upsets us most is the fact
that of us they think so much less,
Why on earth would they not speak on our behalf,
instead choosing to degrade us like the rest.
That is what burns our blood because we know we’re so much more.
We are the strongest creatures they’ve ever known, loyal to our core.
But life goes on and though sometimes bitter
we still continue our task.
The thought of me, jealous of you,
with a black man only makes me laugh.
So on those cozy cuddled up nights
when the two of you lay back and reflect.
As a woman in support of another woman
of us do not allow him to disrespect.
It does not validate your worth and you should truly be offended.
It indicates that you were the second choice
since our black fences could not be mended.
Make him tell him he loves you and that he chose you
because you are you.
It is then that you know he is sincere and what you have is true.
I’m not mad at you, because true matches come from the Lord above.
And in the end it’s not a matter of black and white;
it’s a human thing and it’s called Love.