Where's the Love Daddy

by Jhori Barksdale



Sometimes it seems like only yesterday when you stood in
the bathroom of our small one bedroom peaking over my
shoulder, at the little white stick with the two small
windows.
ďAre there two lines or one?Ē
 I could hear the anxiety breaking your booming baritone
down to a cat like whisper.
ďTwo.Ē  I say.
 My heart sank to the floor.
A smile spread as wide as my grandmaís country fields
across your face.
You had me now
So
It seemed
You knew I had planned to leave.
Was tired of the fussing and fighting and up all night
crying.
In your eyes there was happiness.
In mine, there was disappointment and pain.
What would bringing another life into this chaos of a world
gain?
Most of the time
I myself am living with half a brain.
I wanted to go down to the place so that they could take it
away.
You cried on my stomach
 and
begged to let it stay.
What could I do-
Deep down
I was still in love with you
You thought this would slow
The inevitable
down-
Make me stick around.
So many promises that have now gone unfulfilled
Sheís almost 4 years old now, and you havenít kept your end
of the deal.
Donít regret her presence.
Never thought I could love anyone like this.
Joy explodes deep inside
Just to be in her mist
She made me realize all the wrong things that I did
Gotta be more responsible now-
Iím a mother and a father to my kid
Still amazes me how one little being
Can make you change your life around-
I guess you still havenít caught on as of yet-
Cause youíre still out there running around with those same
clowns-
Tryiní to prove that even though youíre a daddy now
Youíre still down
Donít believe in calling the man out, just to make you do
whatís right
For my baby Iíll just have to
Struggle and fight
Raise her right
I canít believe
That you helped to conceive
But wonít take heed
To your babyís needs
Buying her
Tommy Hilfger Jeans and Ralph Lauren Shirts
To ease your guilt-
Brother, it just wonít work
Cause everytime you donít keep a promise
Itís her-you hurt
I need you to help me
Make her a beautiful black woman
Whoís honest and strong
Teach her right from wrong
Only her daddy can make her see
Some of the things God didnít provide in me
They say a girlís daddy
Is the first man she ever loves and holds true
Well she needs much more than youíre giving
Whereís the love in you
Days and sometimes weeks can go by
And you wonít even call my baby
Just to say Hi
Canít even look her in the eye
But quick to tell that same oleí lie
ďYeah baby, daddyís coming byĒ
Then daddy donít show
Who has to hold it together
Mama
Cause you made my baby cry
One day theyíll wonder why
Her esteem is so low
The first man she ever loved
Left her out to dry
I donít want to see my baby in the street
Looking for love in every man that she meet
Look at your child
A little bitty you
Iím posting my last questions-
Now whatí cha gonna do
Be there for her as a strong black man
Take care of your responsibility
As I know you can
Everyone keeps telling me to give up on you
Is that what I gotta do
Look at the repercussions of what youíre taking
Your baby girl through
Donít you even care
Turning your back
Ainít getting no where
She needs you man
But in replace of you
Iíll do all that I can
My baby will always know that sheís loved
Mama
Auntie
Granny 1 & 2
No daddy around
And
God up above


Where's the Love Daddy by Jhori Barksdale

© Copyright 1999. All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be duplicated or copied without the expressed written consent of the author.


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