How do you find where and to what you belong?
Too many ideas randomly flowing through my mind yet none too strong,
Leaving me struggling to see what is a destiny,
And confused as to where the truth of who I am is supposed to be.
Daring to find my truth, some rational functionality,
I dash from place to place, party crashing with incredulity
In the lives and arenas of many whom see my most conspicuous presence.
Ridiculously, I choose to bounce, a super ball of nonsense.
Square peg jammed into a round hole,
Splintered from being hammered to fit commonality’s mold,
I possess the gift of a chameleon – a shape-shifter well armed –
Clothed in garb of convenience, suits, t-shirts, and other masks not to draw alarm…
But, somewhere in this façade lies the “me” truly
Waiting to be seen, yet I fear I couldn’t recognize his appearance, sadly.
Occasions come when I suspect the real me is on display,
Soaked in the happiness of not being on guard for a singular moment in the day…
Disarmed by my son’s laugh, my daughters’ charms, that’s liberating
To my soul, seeing their development to me is curiously fascinating.
Sheltering from trivial claims for my attention,
I believe I am seeking a form of flawless affection.
In my eyes so much beauty abounds, I am clearly drawn
By so many casual and noncommittal glances, wondering what might spawn.
Being myself, gravity pulls me towards these vexations,
Trouble brewing like stern coffee, crème and mocha temptations.
True to myself, perhaps going with some disoriented flow
Spotting adventure married with causality, vigorous roads, and my morality in tow.
Frightening is my true nature, horrifying, contradictory, unduly selfish
My feelings for greater adventure and love, bringing me anguish.
Dark, deceitful, prone to self service in a full service world,
My heart pains with the laborious constriction of truth furled.
True to myself, knowing myself sinisterly, complex and beyond
The modest definitions I am afforded, I lay to waste those with which I bond.