Why Am I Not Good Enough For You?
by Monie T. Jackson
I realize that interracial dating has become more accepted in the past several years and it seems like the the thing to do these days. In fact, I suppose that I wouldn't be opposed to dating a white man, if he was nice enough and if we were compatible like that. But I have always preferred the love of a black man, because I figure a black man would "GET" me, UNDERSTAND me, for we both face the same challenges and obstacles every single day. However, I find it more and more difficult to find a decent, AVAILABLE, black man these days.
I can't deny it though. I get infuriated when I see a good black man with a white woman, because I immediately ask myself what is wrong with me -- why am I not good enough? What do I need to do in order to be accepted by my Black King again? Do I need to get skinnier? Do I need to be driving a better car? Working a better job? What do I need to change about me in order to attract a decent, kind, and loving black men. I don't get envious over the kind of black men (the scrubs) that are walking around with a white woman draped on their arms. In fact, I am grateful to the white woman for taking him off the eligibility list for. No, I am talking about the kind of black man that works everyday, that is willing and wants to be a provider and head of household -- the responsible, black man -- the kind of man that is trying to do something with his life. Those are ones that I see so often wrapped around the white woman, and I want to scream because I wonder why sistas are being dissed.
There's no secret that the number of available black men in my age group (30 - 50) is pretty low. Everyone knows or have heard the statistics. Most men that are "marriable" are either in jail, drug addicts, or aready married or involved in a committed relationship -- whether that is in a relationship with a black woman, white woman, or surprisingly enough -- with another man. So what is left for a single black woman that is trying to find her prince or king? What is left for us to choose from? Are we just doomed to be alone or do we, too, jump the fence and either turn lesbian or go to a white man? Is that are choices now?
Why am I not good enough for the black man? Why does he turn his back on me? Well, I think I know part of the reason, and not a reason that most of you would think. Unfortunately, I blame some of my own black sistas for contributing to the decrease in available black men. How? Because unfortunately, some sistas have made it really difficult for the decent, good black women. Some sistas have made our men so disenchanted with us, that being with a white women seems to be the only alternative for them to be happy. Our society has become such a materialistic society as well as superficial. And some of our sistas are die-hard worships of "gold-diggism" -- that is, it's all about the bling, and what the black man can bring. You can Holla if you have a dolla. And I suppose black man have to come to a realization that is all that ALL black women want.
But not all black women are like that. We are all not about "the car you drive" or "the brand of clothes that you wear", or about the "bling on your arm". Some of us, just want a good man that will love us, and that wants to grow together as a couple. We just want a man that has goals and shares your aspirations to be better and better. I have never really been to concerned about where a man works or what he does for a living -- as long as whatever he does -- is a an honest, LEGAL, living. Some women want to be a supporter and encourager of HIS dreams, and only want for HIM to be a supporter and encourager of our dreams.
I have had several conversations with black men who date white women exclusively, and their comments are fairly similar. For the most part, black men say that black women "have too much mouth", too demanding, and less accomodating. White women do not appear to give black men a lot of flack or "lip service" about what they are or are not. They are accepting to anything, and more willing to coddle their man. In other words, white women give less drama than black women.
I just want the record to show that there are good, black women out there (and I happen to be one of them). I have my issues just like anyone walking this road of life, but I am a good woman just the same, and like any woman, she just wants to be loved, adored, honored, and respected. There are a lot of decent, hard working, professional, educated, intelligent, and attractive black women out there that actually have something to offer other than drama and heartaches. And we just want a chance to introduce ourselves to you, and let you know GOOD black women do exist. All I am saying to my brothas is this -- don't count us all out because of your experiences with a few. We all don't share the ideals on love and relationships. We are not all gold diggers, we all do not have baby daddy drama, we all don't have bad credit, we all are not on wellfare, we all do not have attitudes, and we all not demanding. If we demand anything, it's only what we feel we are entitled to, and that is love and respect. We don't and shouldn't except anything less. If you are not asking the white women that you date to accept less than that, then why would ask us to accept any less.
Love should have no color they say. I suppose it would be ideal, if you could just love who you love and that be it. But until then, all I am saying is that don't stop loving me because someone else couldn't love you. Don't stop loving us (black women -- for we are still and always beautiful) because a black woman couldn't love you.
You should let me love you