Failure to Launch - Momma's Boys

by Monie T. Jackson

Failure to Launch or failure to keep launching - Men that still live at home with MAMA

One the frustrating things about being in your mid-thirties, trying to date, is meeting men that are not on your level, near your level, at your level, or above your level. In the short time that I have lived here in Winston-Salem, almost every guy that I have met, still lives home with their mother (or parents), or have moved back home with their mother (or parents). Even my own uncle in VA was guilty of it and he was in his 50's when he somehow managed to take up residence at my parents house. I don't understand it. I don't understand why a grown man would go back to live with his mother, and then expect a woman to be cool with that. Am I wrong here? Am I being too selective? Why have men find it so easy to throw in the towel, and take the safe and easy road by moving in with mama?

I suppose my whole thing is this. I have been single/divorced for over 12 years now. It has not been a cake walk being on your own, raising 3 kids by yourself. There were times when I didn't know how I was going to feed my kids, if we would still have a place to stay, if my car would be repossessed, if my lights would get turned off -- I have lived check to check for the majority of my adult life, but I was determined to make it -- not only for myself, but I always aimed to provide a decent life for my family. I suppose the easy road would have been to move back home with my parents -- pay minimal rent and utilities, and save up money so that I could take care of my kids.

But how would that look, what would I be teaching my kids, and my son -- but giving up, and moving back home? I wanted to give up so many times, but I suppose my pride wouldn't let me, and I was determined to make it. And for the most part, I think I have done OK. No matter how hard it got for me at times, and no matter how frustrating, I was so determined to make it on my own. It just never crossed my mind that moving back home would be an option. I think that has given me a real independent spirit, and I think sometimes some men are intimidated by that (but shouldn't be). I still have my struggles, and it does sometimes still get frustrating, but my determination to make it, drives me and motivates me to do better and be better.

I want my kids to understand that sometimes things do not come easy -- but you have to work hard in order to play hard. Things are not going to be given to you, you have to fight for it. I want my children to understand responsibility and accountability -- and in order for them to understand that, they have to envision it and see it. How would they see tht if I gave up on life, and moved back in with my parents? What kind of message does that send? Don't get me wrong, if my kids were grown and they needed me -- I would be there for them. But I would hope that they would have the strength to perservere, and stand their ground when faced with adversity.

With that being said, I don't understand how men find it so easy to just move back home vs. fighting to make it work on their own. I can understand if you had to move back home because you had to take care of a parent that was ill or sick. But if your parents or mother has as much energy as you do, I just don't see a reason for a man to move back in on his mama. It seems like some men have lost their will to fight, their will to survive, and rather take the safe road -- instead of doing whatever necessary to make it in this world (that is, whatever is necessary that is clear and legal). Am I being to hard on a brotha?

Help me understand. Why would a man move back home to live with his parents if he's over 30. Why would a grown man that has teenager or almost grown children, move back in with his mama? How is this an attractive quality when trying to date a woman, that has her own place, her own car, a decent job -- and trying to do all she can to make it each day? Why would woman want to be with man that does not share her same drive or ambitions?

More and more, I am finding more men in this situation, and for whatever reason, these are the men that want to HOLLA at a sista. Why is that? Can someone help me understand this trend? Am I wrong for not wanting to be with a guy that can't take of himself? Am I being to hard?

Failure to Launch - Momma's Boys by Monie T. Jackson

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