What Pain A Sista Will Go Through To Keep A Man
by Henry Hardee
Bad Luck Lucy & Breena had been window shoppin at "Chanel's" on Michigan Avenue. Between the two of them they couldnt even afford to buy a shoppin bag. They were in "girlfriend mode" runnin on grownasswomanpower. They were havin a good time. They were singin a "Sweet Honey On The Rock" song that was a bondin anthem between sistas written by Ysaye Barnwell.
Breena sang the lead, "There were no mirrors in my Nana's house..." Bad Luck Lucy followed, " The beauty of everythin waz in her eyez..." Breena paused to think a minute like she had forgot the wordz , "So I never knew that my skin waz too black. I never knew that my nose waz too flat…" Bad Luck Lucy finished it, " I never knew that my clothez didnt fit because the beauty of everythin waz in her eyez."
Together they formed a cha-cha line that snaked along Chicago Avenue like a runaway train. By the time they got to Wellz Street they had run out of steam & sat down at one of the tables outside of a "Subway" restaurant. They were not buyin anythin just passin time & tryin to catch a breeze because it waz hot az hell outside.
Breena waz wearin a tight cat suit (that said she had curvez) with a plungin neckline that showed that she wasnt wearin a bra. Her butt waz how people recognized her back on the block. Richard Pryor had a joke about sistas like her back in 1974, " This woman was so fine I wanted to suck her daddie’s dick!" She had a man named Jayshaun who had her on lock down (mentally) like she was in a maximum-security pen of love.
Bad Luck Lucy had on a black halter outfit that made her T&A look like they were saggin & nasty. Her weave waz strung with baublez, bangelz & beadz. You could smell the toejam comin out of her uncomfortable red snake print bootz that were not made for walkin . She put the "B" in Baaaaaad Black Bitch. She had "that thang"-a ghetto girl aesthetic thing going on about her that said that she waz serious az a muthfucka. She haz dealt with too many triflin brothaz. She has dealt with too many "Johnny Blazez", "Big Williez" & "Joe Six-Packz" who have left her heartbroken & payin their billz long after they were gone. She haz a cap, gown, ribbon & diploma that sayz she'd graduated from the University of "How to Deal With Sorry-Azz Brothaz". She doez not have a man. She doez not want a man because the only onez she attractz have the mark of Cain on them.
The manager of the "Subwayz" came out & told them to leave if they were not goin to buy anythin. They didnt have any intention of givin up their spot so Bad Luck Lucy gave Breena enough money to go inside & buy them both "The Sandwich of The Day" & a pop.
Before Breena could get back a brotha walked up & hollahed at Bad Luck Lucy, "Gurl, you bangin & I want to do some poundin on that body with this good meat I got." Bad Luck Lucy wasnt tryin to hear what he waz sayin, "Get away from me FOOL!" She waz thinkin when are brothaz gonna realize that everysista aint a peep show & that her only reason for livin waz to help him get hiz freak on. The brotha hit on her again, " You got some Bambi-eyez baby. Let's get into something together." She gave the brotha a hard look that said, " If you dont leave me alone Im goin to take my bootz off & beat you down with them!" The brotha backed off, "Alright, alright, so itz goin be like that huh. You sistaz are all full of shit!"
When Breena came back with the food they started talkin & eatin. They were in two different worldz. Bad Luck Lucy talked about the miserable changez brothaz put sistuhs through & Breena talked about bein in love with her man.
After sippin "Orange Crush" through a straw Bad Luck Lucy opened the conversation, "Men aint nuthin. They do thingz that hurt you & they cant even see it. With men thingz dont never add up. There are alwayz questionz to be asked & answered. As long az you got a man, you aint never goin to have no peace. They are alwayz goin to have you grittin your teeth down to nubs over the crap they do.
Swallowin the first inch of her Italian Meatball & Mozzeralla Cheese sandwich on plain white bread Breena hit back at her in the sensual tones of a woman with a love jonez for a man, "I don't know what made my looooo-oo-oove come down for Jayshaun. We had been friendz for a year before I started feelin somethin for him. I started seein him in a different light, noticin thingz about him that I hadnt picked up on before. Out of nowhere somethin started ringin in me. I started havin these strange feelins inbetween my legs when he came around & I started thinkin about what he had in hiz pantz & if he could use it. There waz somethin special about him. I dont know what urge, impulse or desire waz drivin me to him. Maybe, I waz just horny.
Bad Luck Lucy frowned, shook the ice around in her cup & looked at Breena with pity, "Girrrrl, as long as you got a man you aint gonna never have no peace. Since you just got with him you feelin good like you in LaLa Land but when you come to your sensez you goin to begin to see that you ain't had no weddin, no weddin cake, no weddin giftz, no white weddin gown (even if it wouldnt have been right for you to wear white ) & you can't blame nobody but yourself. By the time you recognize that all you got is another mouth to feed, another body you got to put clothez on, somebody that just want to lay up watch action moviez on cable & somebody who talkz to your breastz instead of lookin you in your eyez -- itz too late for you to do anythin about it."
Breena picks out the black olives and onions she thought she wanted on her sandwich, "Jayshaun givez me all hiz attention. When we together I'm happy like a girl who got what she wanted for Christmas, happy like a child whose been told they can eat "Bit O' Honeyz", "Lemonheadz" & "Tootsie Rollz" for the rest of their life without makin their teeth fall out. Im not lonely & hungry all the time. I feel like I got someone in my corner, feel full like I have just eaten a big ol' greasy cheesburger sloppy with mustard, ketchup, grilled onionz & sport pepperz on it.- Humph I wish I had one right now cause this thang dont taste right. I feel like I dont have a worry in the world, like Im on an all-expense paid vacation & stayin in an exclusive resort that I never have to come out of."
"Girrrr-rrrrl, Bad Luck Lucy spoke/sang," Wait until being with him becomez the plot of a bad TV show & you can't stand to be around him any more. Whut you goin to do when being with him becomes like eatin at the same greasy spoon 7 days a week. Girrrrl, whatz gonna happen when your life becomez a Chris Rock joke, " I've heard everythin he had to say over & over & over again & I waz so sick of it I wanted to stab him in the neck with a pencil!"
Bad Luck Lucy unzipz her bootz but she doesnt take them off while she listenz to Breena whose nose iz so open she could stick one of her foot up in it. "It aint never be like that between me & him. I aint gonna never stop buyin what he sellin, Breena said. "You just mad cause you aint got no man. He iz alwayz goin to look good in my eyez. The boy can throw down some voodoo like Marvin Gaye, Barry White & Teddy Pendergrass & getz ME HOT like a whore bumpin in the backseat of a car parked at beach on North Avenue."
Bad Luck Lucy HUMPHED," That brotha aint right. He throwz all hiz money away frontin & leavez you to pick up the slack. He alwayz tryin to be a fashion plate, alwayz tryin to have on the lastest labelz--what he should be wearin iz a Designer straitjacket.
Girrrl, you be practical with your cash. You save az much az you can by shoppin at "K-Mart" at those "4 Day Only Salez" where you can get 2/$3 boxez of "Honey Smackz, "Frosted Flakez" and "Cap'N Crunch to feed your kidz every morning for breakfast; pick-up 300 ouncez of "Tide Detergent" for $14.67 to wash everybodyz clothez; get 50% OFF "Selected Kidz Apparel" & 30% OFF "Womenz Underwear" for your butt. JAYSHAUN DON'T APPRECIATE NOTHIN YOU DO FOR HIM like when you bought him home those 25% OFF "Mens Jockey Shortz" & he went off on you, " I'm not goin to have that cheap shit rubbin up against me & GIVIN ME A RASH!"
Breena waved a hand in disgust at Bad Luck Lucy, "You just JEAL-OUS cause you aint got nobody to take you out. I think about your LONELY BUTT sometimes when we be out gettin our swerve on & dancin to the oldiez. Yeah, I be thinkin about your DROOPIN breastz--WHEN YOU GONNA GET SOME IMPLANTZ--while we be grovin to " The Roach" by Gene &Wendell; doin "The Twine Time" to Alvin Cash & the Registerz; doin "The Bus Stop" to Charlez Green & gettin down to "The Electric Boogie/ Electric Slide by Marcia Griffith one of Bob Marleyz back-up singerz. You cant stand to see me with SOMEBODY THAT REALLY LOVES ME."
The words "Stupid bitch" almost came out of Bad Luck Lucy but she checked herself, " Girlfriend, sorry-azz brothaz are interestin characterz to fall in love with in the moviez but not in real life. Jayshaun iz the ringleader of SORRY-AZZ BROTHAZ. He aint got nuthin but BS on his platter & you got a season-ticket to hiz lunacy. He PLAYIN YOU for a FOOL like one of those dudez you see on "Cheaterz" & takin you for a ride.
He got seven jobz: cuttin hair, waitin tables, sellin clothez at the "Menz Factory"; SELLIN weed in the bathroom of clubz, SELLIN bootleg CDz & cassette & videoz tapes; got a screen printin t-shirt businezz & goin to school to learn how to create computer graphicz & web page & he ain't never got no money to help you PAY THE RENT!
He iz the poster boy for lyin. I know he haz lied to you about what he doin & where he goin. He got sistaz on the side & he not usin protection with them. Im your friend. Every time I see him I want to go totally NUTZ on him for messin over you. I want to KNOCK his teeth right out of hiz dam mouth & re-arrange his facial featurez until he lookz like a frog. I cant believe that you cant see through HIM. Iz he that good in bed that he got you blind? Every time he scratch hiz head, rub hiz chin & stutter he lyin to you, girrrrrrrrrl."
"STAY OUT my business, Breena warns. "I cant you “ Bad Luck Lucy says, “You my sista. I love you. I cant just shut up & let some man run over you. I dont want you to get HURT cause Breena you look ugly when you cry!"
They start to eat to keep their mouthz busy so they don't say anythin else to each other. In silence Breena looks at Bad Luck Lucy eat her food. She doez not like the way she chews. She thinks about how much Bad Luck Lucy haz done for her & how she haz alwayz had her back. She forgivez her and says," You know Countezz Vaughn that playz "Kim" on "The Parkerz" she got some azz implantz. What a sistuh wont do to get a man." Bad Luck Lucy humphed," What PAIN a sistuh will go through to keep a man.
Bad Luck Lucy sang the lead, "There were no mirrorz in my Nanaz house...no mirrorz in my Nanaz house. Breena started clearin off the table, "The beauty in everythin waz in her eyez...I never knew that my skin waz TOO BLACK..." Bad Luck Lucy jumped in, "I never knew that my nose waz TOO FLAT. I never knew that my clothe DIDN'T FIT...cause I had big hipz..."Breena laughed, "You right about that girl.”