The Brother Every Sister Needs
by Dilys D'Gold
Lying in my bed, just chilling and of course thinking I was letting the thoughts flow through my mind like a stream while I stared at the ceiling. Here I was pondering about issues many have wondered about in the past and will still wonder about in the future because even though we develop and acquire knowledge certain aspects of our lives never change.
I was thinking of the brother every black sister needs. Yes I said need cause many are caught up in the women's liberation movement (no intention to dis anyone). These women don't need a man. This is not to say that I don't subscribe to some of their views, I actually do. I mean I believe every woman should try her hands at working. I don't believe that a man has to supply a woman's financial needs as a must.
On the other hand, there is the myth that every woman is a gold digger and that women do not date men with potential but only financially successful men. This obviously is untrue because I know many women who support partners who do not have much to their name and stand by their men until they reach their life goals.
Oh yes let me stay on the subject and resist deviating, I am a woman who is fed up of hearing that black men are all dogs, cheats, drug addicts, abusers and so on. I mean some black men do satisfy the criteria to be called such names. Another fact is that men of other races do desert their children as well. I know that to some extent that black men are only able to be bad fathers because sisters let them. Oh no before you start criticising this statement, this is what I mean.
Lets imagine this hypothetical scenario, an unmarried lady gets pregnant by a man before she finds out that she had misunderstood or misinterpreted his character and soon realises that he is absolutely the last person to have a child with then this woman has the responsibility to make sure the previous mistake does not repeat it self. In other words refrains from having another child with him. It is a well known saying that a leopard can never loose its spots. Moreover, for the record I don't believe that children should be born outside wedlock because marriage should normally only be considered after proper consideration of the pros and cons of a particular relationship. If no commitment can be made, then why bring children into an obviously unstable environment. Children are permanent fixtures so why we plan to have children in temporary situations beats me.
I have seen many children born into relationships with longstanding problems. Usually, both parties concerned are aware of the fact that major issues in the relationship have not been resolved, yet they practice unprotected sex and to make matters worse one or both of them may be having unprotected sex with other people (highlighting the issue of STDs and HIV). What I can't seem to understand is why women allow themselves to be treated in this manner. I suppose I can only speak for myself. I wouldn't be with a man who has made it clear to me that he has other females on the side in the hope that one day he will change and decide to practice monogamy. You see I am only responsible for my self I have no powers to change another human.
Many women seem to think they can change a man. If your boyfriend, makes one mistake and sleeps with another woman I will understand your point to stand by your man being that he acted out of character. However, if your boyfriend is one who has had a trail of affairs, has seven baby mothers, and can't tell the truth to save he's own life and the list goes on. Then you tell me you will stand by him cause he promised never to cheat again after the last time then I must say you are just postponing the inevitable pain. He lacks character so he will not change and will hurt you again what you need to understand is that the way he is acting has nothing to do with you and he will have done the same to another lady if she had been misfortunate to meet him instead of you.
Having said a lot about the evil black men that walk the face of this earth, I want to return to the subject. I mean the good black men I meet every now and then. Men who are truthful, they take pride in their word, will not do anything to jeopardise their integrity. Such men tell you to meet them at a particular place and they are there on time. A man of this calibre will not say he is at work when he is actually at a friends house. This means beware of a man you are on a date with whose cell phone rings and he tells the caller he's at his mother's. Do not ignore this at all this a very important pointer: he lacks integrity.
Another trait I have noticed about the good black men out there is that they work yes I said work. They may not be doing the most prestigious job. You see I've seen women take care of men who are obviously lazy (remember there are always an exception to every rule). These kind of men want to lead a flashy lifestyle and have no job but do it all at the woman's expense. She is busy taking care of the children and her newly acquired ''adult son'' that she eventually runs herself down.
Then he might start saying to her 'you don't look good anymore' and things of the sort but again I say it is not the fault of this lazy man. It's the fault of the lady who is ready to take care of a man, that has no reason at all to be out of work but thinks she needs to have a man at all cost. Well such a man will leave after all has been done for him for another lady who may be more of a challenge to him (one he feels he can't walk all over) He may even start to work to impress the new woman on the scene to the disgust of he's previous lover.
Human nature makes us take for granted anything that comes cheap. You, my sister out there need to start thinking about how valuable you are and how you want to be treated so don't give yourself cheap to any man. As a result of making this decision you will be able to find the good black man (if you haven't already) who sees the self worth you project to world and will be proud to have you on his side.
The other trait I have noticed in the good black men out there is that they love who they are. They love their mothers because if a man shows no respect for the woman who bore him how will he have any respect for you so when you visit a man's family and all he does is tell his mother and father off, then beware sister he's no good to you.
Good black men respect other people in general. They don't call a woman a b**** for any reason at all. I mean you might think I am taking it overboard but I will not hang around someone who on a daily basis refers to women in such a derogatory manner. I mean it won't be long before he will call me the same name or don't you think so?
A good black man takes care of his children, sows his time, money, energy and love into their lives. He is not afraid of showing emotions to his family. He is not unaware of his shortcomings and is willing to make amends not because you nag him to but because he's a good man - knows what he ought to do. He is an example to the youth in his community, at work he is respected for his integrity and diligence. A good black man is by no means perfect but he strives day after day to be the best he can be. Lastly a good black man loves God and this is quite important because if a man loves a God he can not physically see then he will love you the woman he can see: the manifested creation of the unseen God.