Lying in bed,
Reliving those moments
When you were with me,
But were we together?
Did you ever hold me?
Or simply place your hands where I wanted to be held?
Maybe I only felt wanted.
Was I blinded
By myself or you or both?
Is this what I asked for,
Or what you decided to give me?
These countless thoughts attack my mind
Endless insecurities buried deep they find
Was I lied to, deceived?
Should I feel happy, relieved,
As future worries waive their cost
A heart still feeling like itís lost;
Hand picks up pencil to write and write
My fingers take on my spiritís fight.
Neatly written words and lines
Contrast the smile I hide behind
Canít let others know my pain
I walk in the sunshine,
but sleep in the rain.
Whose fault is it? Iím innocent!
I only tried to live a bit,
But I am guilty by default
Possessionís nine-tenths of the law
And I possess:
A heart to love
A soul to care
Thoughts to create
Intuition to ask
Wisdom to listen
Courage to breathe
Ability to try
Humility to fail
Strength to try what Iíve failed again
Faith to know that somehow I must win
I only lack the injustice to judge;
To be kind to some, to others begrudge.
My punishment is to never know,
Will they suck me dry or let me grow?
Is it real or is it lies?
A beautiful face or a skillful disguise?
No matter the task or the size of the risk,
It will always come right back to this:
All of these thoughts manifest in my head,
Reliving those moments,
Lying in bed